The Rise and Folly of Selfism

All through the day
I me mine, I me mine, I me mine.
All through the night
I me mine, I me mine, I me mine.
Now they're frightened of leaving it
Everyone's weaving it,
Coming on strong all the time,
All through the day
I me mine.

-- George Harrison

The New Religion: Self

To properly talk about it, we need a name for it: selfism. As in words like Catholicism and existentialism, the suffix "ism" suggests that one gives great credence, almost worship, to a philosophy, an ideology. Selfism, then, is the worship of self, placing the self above all. The name fits the times, because devotion to self-interest has virtually become the universal religion.

This shocking conclusion is confirmed by the shockingly selfish ads we see these days. For example: "It's all about you" (Daytimer); "My Time, My Place, My Self" (on every page of a Soft Surroundings catalog); "Get your own box" (on every box of Cheez-It crackers). Entire generations of children have grown up believing that self comes first. "You have to live for yourself." "It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks." "Do your own thing." "You must love yourself before you can love anyone else." We hold these ideas as absolute truth. And even when the inevitable happens, and selfism ruins our lives, undermines our relationships, and obsoletes our highest ideals, we still bow down to the idol of self.

As you know, dogmas always tend to rule with an iron fist. The dogma of selfism is no exception. Try questioning anything a friend perceives as self-interest; see what happens. Remember: you are attacking his religion!

Though the tyranny of selfism is well entrenched, it can be overcome. Without a doubt, if the human heart thrives anywhere, it will be because selfism was overcome. But the overcoming of selfism can only happen one person at a time -- the same way humanity succumbed to it. So the most relevant question is this: Will you rise up, or will you live and die a slave to self and selfist ideology?

To understand your choices clearly, come with me now on a brief historic overview of this trend, and witness the way it has transformed spirituality in particular.

[NOTE: In reviewing recent fads of thought, I don't mean to suggest that selfism, in essence, is altogether new. Selfism must be as old as human life on earth. Nonetheless, because selfishness is weak and problematical, it is always failing, and therefore always needing to be re-invented. Consequently, each era has a new form of selfism -- an expression built with and for the vocabulary, mentality, and philosophical fashions of the day.]

The keystone of modern selfism: the psychological theory of individuation

Modern selfism derives much of its momentum from a twentieth century psychological theory called individuation. According to that theory, the child differentiates from its mother as a crucial step of human development. "Boundaries" of self become established; the child learns that it is distinct:different and separate. Until then, the child is not a fully-formed individual.

Psychologists often diagnose their adult patients as suffering from incomplete individuation. For example, many therapists presume that people who feel they care too much about the opinions of others, or about pleasing others, need to further individuate. By that standard, psychologists tend to consider a devoted wife or husband to be in need of professional psychological help with individuation.

Such persons, it is believed, have not established firm boundaries, and therefore cannot distinguish their own ideas from those of others. They bend too easily to influence; have difficulty setting limits and asserting individual will; and are easily taken advantage of. Psychologists and human potential trainers have encouraged such people to become extremely clear -- and assertive -- about where their boundaries are, what they like and don't like, who they are and are not, and so forth. Those popular methods have won many unwitting converts to the religion of selfism. But these converts are by no means "saved." The truth is: this focus on individuation is a slippery slope into unhealthy (excessive) individualism.

Artificial maturity

It is important to recognize that individuation as it is conventionally taught is not true individuation at all, but rather pseudo individuation: it is a set of modifications of thought and attitude which, taken together, produce artificial maturity. While the recommended behaviors -- defensiveness, self-assertion, limit-setting, self-expression -- supposedly represent healthy individuation, in reality, they are little more than compensation (ways to compensate for underlying insecurity). Those adaptations result from an aberrant idea of self, and from the presumed need to protect that aberrant self-idea from "assaults" by external forces -- especially, other people.

Clearly, people who depend on these techniques are far from healthy. They are nowhere near what Erich Fromm ("The Art of Loving") describes as therare achievement of true emotional maturity. A genuinely mature individual would not feel threatened by other people; would be able to accept and accommodate the needs of others; would be able to consider advice, receive feedback, and adjust accordingly -- all without feeling that sovereignty has been jeopardized. And, such an individual would also be capable of love.

Obviously, the achievement of genuine maturity is not something the psychological community can reliably offer its clients. Perhaps one often-overlooked reason is this: Full emotional/psychological maturity develops only in the context of love -- in a life where true, self-transcending love flows liberally both ways. Since therapists are generally incapable of meeting this standard themselves, they can't possibly help their clients achieve it. So they simply help their clients "more successfully" adjust to and cope with inadequate personal security, inadequate interpersonal trust, inadequate capacity to love, and the heartbreak of living that way in a society of similarly immature people.

In many ways, their clients were better off before. They were more truly mature and human when they were more "naïve," more self-sacrificing, more accepting, and more flexible. They were certainly emotionally and spiritually healthier when they cared about what other people thought, and how they affected others. Now, they are more paranoid, rigid, and subservient in blindly conforming to the dogma of pseudo-individuation. That is not progress. And guess what? They know it. "I don't like the person I'm becoming," people say.

Egoism is to blame

This is not a tale of an innocent public led astray by the psychological community and self-help professionals. As always, the public grants power to the leaders they want. We vote for those leaders with our time and our wallets. We vote by buying this book rather than that book, taking one type of therapy instead of another, attending only certain classes, etc. The populace wanted leadership that would support egoism, and they literally got what they paid for. So, while a therapist who required serious responsibility from his clients was lucky to have any clients, a therapist who colluded with his clients' victim-consciousness had people lining up around the block.

In response to popular demand, psychology and modern culture have simply done what ego always does: it twists any idea, any principle, any practice into destructive forms. Ego-minded psychologists and ego-minded clients, together, have taken the notion of individuation and run with the ball far in a destructive direction. Ego-minded women and their ego-minded feminist leaders did the same.

Confusing individuality and individualism

Part of how people went astray is by failing to adequately distinguish between individuality on the one hand, and individualISM on the other. The same may be said of selfhood and selfISM -- the distinction is not clearly held. Selfism has built its appeal on those confusions, with tragic results.

Since neither the general psychological community nor popular culture is making the discernment upon which healthy living depends, let's give it a go:

Individuality refers to self as a unique masterpiece of God -- a gift that will never be duplicated and cannot be lost. Nonetheless, it is clearly in the interests of egoism to claim that individualitycan be lost, so that vigilance is required to achieve, maintain, and protect one's selfhood.

Individualism, like selfism, implies intense devotion to an independent and separative mode of thinking, living, and being -- in order, presumably, to enhance and preserve one's precious-but-vulnerable individuality.

Self has become an obsession of the psychological community and its clients. And though psychology admits that excessive egoism is unhealthy, most of psychology's goals directly support and exacerbate egoism. Psychology is, in fact, a tool of egoism. Its founding fathers and mothers were plenty egocentric themselves. And now, for all intents and purposes, psychology has become the leading preacher of the gospel according to ego. Such is selfism. Click here to read more